hi there and welcome,

to encourage you to read all of this blog i have a little test for you, so please press play below, and test your awareness, then you will read rather than scan for fear of missing the juicy bits :)

apologies if you're one of the 19 million people who have already seen this, but it made me smile. (no comments please!)

now, i don't want to keep dwelling on my recent everest trip, but when there are positives i am happy to.

one of the biggest positives was meeting tim medvetz and his 'heroes project' team, particularly carly portalupi his pa, and charlie linville an amputee ex serviceman who is aiming to summit everest.

tim is an everest summiteer, and has started his own non profit in the u.s., and i hate to admit it as he will probably be reading this, but he has been an inspiration to me to build bigmoose, and a look at his website will show some of the amazing projects he has organised.

http://theheroesproject.org/

anybody that is familiar with the discovery channel everest series will be familiar with tim as the brash biker guy who fails on his first attempt, but summits on his second, and i feared the worst when i saw his name on his team list!

the introvert that is tim medvetz!

the introvert that is tim medvetz!

however, upon closer inspection, and having adjacent tents on everest made me realise he is a big softy, and a very caring guy, and without embarrassing him i am now aware of some hugely philanthropic things he has done.

the reason for mentioning this is that i recently wrote to the bigman to ask him if he minded me coming out to l.a. where he is based, to observe an event he is running on santa monica pier, where he has 300 static bikes with people riding them for three hours and being sponsored to do so, and this year he aims to raise a quarter of a million dollars at this one event, pretty awesome!

my reason for going to observe is that i want to bring the format back to blighty, and so i was pretty pleased when tim replied with a very warm e-mail welcoming me over to check out the gig, so come september i will be heading west in the name of bigmoose, here is a cool vt of tim which i think personifies this big hearted guy.

last week was pretty busy here at bigmoose hq with a cycle from cardiff to carmarthen, which in total, home to home, was 90 miles in the welsh heat, which resulted in me losing 8lb in weight and getting a very sore rectum, but all in all a great cause helping my buddy duncan hyde from cotswold, taking their gps linked baton to the cardiff to carmarthen stage of going to every store in the country in aid of their 'wings for life' charity, which along with the other two members of our team pedro and doogie was a great day.

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sunday was another sunny day and a crew of us went with an old hockey mate of mine, sean ward, to take his son scott up pen y fan in his trusty chariot, which saw scotty laughing a lot, and me, wardy and his mate steve all pushing the chariot up the hill sweating conkers. but it was lovely to get to the summit and have some pics taken with the whole gang, including my manaslu head guide bruce, with his partner jen, and three month old zac, who it appears on a countback has made nine summits in his first quarter on this planet, not bad going, and he is on track for completing the three peaks proper in h1 as they say in business circles!

bruce and zac, chloe, jen, tiffany, pedro, nic, steve, wardy, police chap whose name i can't remember, sorry, yt. in chariot, robbyn and scott.

bruce and zac, chloe, jen, tiffany, pedro, nic, steve, wardy, police chap whose name i can't remember, sorry, yt.

in chariot, robbyn and scott.

there was some good fuzzy feelings flying around on both these gigs, which was great, so to continue that theme, i'm gonna finish this weeks blog with a heartwarming story i saw this week, that was written by a mum, and is what i think we can all do more of, see how beautiful a human you are.

a mum's kids exposed what she 'really' looks like, and her reaction is perfect.

Flipping through the pictures on my phone, I see it.

My first reaction is shock. Who took this hideous picture of me?

Self-loathing and disgust swell up and threaten to bring me to tears.

Just as I am about to hit delete, my boy walks in the room.

“Do you know anything about this picture?” I ask him.

I turn the screen so he can see it. He smiles huge.

“I took that of you in Tahoe,” he says. “You looked so beautiful laying there. I couldn’t help it mom.”

“You need to ask me before using my phone to take pictures,” I say.

“I know,” he says. “But mom, seriously, look how pretty you look?”

I look at the picture again and try to see what he sees.

My daughter walks over and takes a look.

“That could be a postcard mom,” she says smiling. “Your so beautiful. I love it.”

Remember, we all all beautiful inside. Even though society has created an image of "beauty" that we often aspire to meet, it's what's on the inside the counts.

Remember, we all all beautiful inside. Even though society has created an image of "beauty" that we often aspire to meet, it's what's on the inside the counts.

I take a deep breath.

This is exactly what I needed.

My default mode is to see and focus on the flaws and imperfections. I’m starting to see a bit more.

I still see my dimply, fat thighs.

I also see a mom collapsed on the shore that just explored the lake for hours with her children.

I still see chubby arms.

I also see the arms of a mom that just helped her kids across the rocks and hot sand so their feet wouldn’t hurt.

I still see a fat woman wearing a black dress bathing suit to try to hide her weight issue.

I also see an adventurous mom that loves her children something fierce.

Like many women, I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It’s not something that will ever go away for me. I don’t have a naturally slim body. Never have.

Right now I’m the heaviest I’ve been in 10 years. Yet…

I have not let my weight stop me this time. I am wearing tank tops, sundresses and bathing suits in public. I’m running around playing with my kids this summer and I sometimes even feel attractive.

Yes. You heard me.

“I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty, and witty and bright.”

Well…not exactly. But something like that.

Is it because I’m getting older? Is it that I have more to worry about than just how I look? Or maybe it’s because my kids look at me with such adoring eyes.

Really, it doesn’t matter.

I don’t hate my body anymore.

That’s huge for me to admit and hard to even wrap my mind around.

I’m not giving up on exercising and getting healthy. Those are things I will continue to strive for because I want to be around awhile.

Right now though, I just want to love my body where it is. I want it to be OK to see myself the way my kids do.

Thank you kids.

so that wraps up this weeks blog, gold stars all around if you read it all, there was a lot to read, but hopefully some of it resonated.

keep doing your #monthlymoose's and feeding your stories through to us, and lets leave this world better than we found it.

thanks for reading,

blue skies,

jeff

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