bore da bigmoosers,

as they say in these parts.

how was yer week?

did you do anything cool, and did you have any perfect moments?

i hope you did, we all deserve many perfect moments, but i reckon it's like most things, you kinda get back what you put in, generally speaking that is, there are always exceptions, but if you graft hard, rewards often happen, if you parent well, your kids normally end up pretty well balanced, and the more effort you put in, the more perfect moments you get back.

i think my perfect moment of last week, was probably one i would like to forget.

i mentioned i was invited to my clients/friends awards gig last friday, which was a black tie affair, for the welsh dentists awards, and was being held at the majestic principality stadium in the heart of the city where i live, cardiff.

now i am fortunate enough to have been to many events at the stadium, as well as collecting food waste from there on match days, so i have a pretty good knowledge of the geography of the place, so as i approached the entrance in full penguin outfit, with shoes that shone so bright they could be seen from other galaxies, i strode confidently towards the gates. 

i bought black patent shoes ages ago, which i have discovered you don't need to polish, just wash and go, quality time saving tip when you have put them back in the box without cleaning them ready for their next outing, and you're in a rush to get ready, or is that just me?

i was approximately an hour and a half late for the gig, as my trip back from london had included holdups due to four separate car accidents on the m4, which i am always philosophical about, i would prefer to be late, and stuck in traffic, than be involved directly with the accident, and i always apply the 'control the controllable' mantra, and my hosts for the evening were totally cool with my m4 updates, and are very cool characters who don't stress over such stuff.

my calmness suddenly started to ebb away, as i could see all the gates to the stadium were padlocked.

my internal google whizzed around asking questions, and returning sensible answers.

is this the right night? obviously, you've been liasing with vix for the last three hours updating her of your gps location.

right place?

hmmm, i needed real google for 100% confirmation of this one.

welsh dontist awards, slow down fast finger freddy, welsh dentist awards...........load you son of a bitch.

bt cloud, i don't want you, i don't need you, stop stalking me at every major city i go.

wifi off, 4g on, welsh dentist awards loading, date 23rd september, location principality stadium, sweet, good so far.

directions? yes please.

google maps i love you.

my entrance it appeared was on the complete opposite side of the stadium, a 9 minute walk away.

calm resumed, nobody is expecting me to arrive at a definite time, and an additional 9 minutes matters not a jot, though my knowledge of the stadium did suggest that googles time allowed to walk it would be at a rather brisker pace than shiney shoe boy, whose waistcoat was only helping to raise his core body temperature an additional and i might add unnecessary few degrees.

i skidded off towards my destination, with my inner voice questioning why i hadn't researched the entrance the gig was at prior to the event.

i countered with the argument that i knew where the fricking main entrance was, and that these poxy awards, whose website contains more spelling mistakes than you could shake a stick at, had obviously made us go in the tradesman's entrance, and this was not my fault, back off inner voice!

the mild cardiff evening didn't help my body temp, and i felt my brow as i was definitely getting toasty, not the look i had gone for as i preened myself before i left base camp.

i walked past the pubs, and the bus stops, and was it me or was i being stared at?

i turned left to follow the line of the stadium, and noticed the moon shining off the taff river as she meandered through the city with me.

i glanced at google to see i was nearly there.

no way!

you've gotta be kidding me, an 8ft high fence and locked gates.

i am only metres from my summit, but there is a knife edge ridge between me and glory.

i am an adult, i have been self employed since i was 21, i have adult children, i climb mountains for fun, i can overcome obstacles.

i am also wearing very shiney shoes, tight fitting trousers, a shirt with a tight collar and bow tie, a waistcoat, for extra warmth obviously, and a dinner jacket.

ok, tricky.

i looked at where would be the best access point.

the places to put my shiney shoed feet were almost non existent.

i searched along the freshly painted white fence, and got to the end where it met the railings that stopped miscreants falling into the river, and saw that i could climb this smaller fence, and try to sidle around the end of the big fence.

but no, the clever sods had countered with another fence, which was connected to the main fence, and pivoted on arms that swung it out approximately a metre over the river below, which i assumed had been fitted retrospectively as others before me had used this point of weakness to attack the castle, i mean stadium.

so basically, for me to enter this way, i would have to climb onto a railing, with the aforementoned shiney shoes always in the forefront of my mind, climb onto an almost gate like piece of fence, swing out over the river, and climb around the end of it, and then push the fence back on itself to land at the other side, leaving me the simple task of dismounting without slipping, ripping anything, and landing on my fred astaire'esque footwear.

easy.

let's ave it.

all was going well until i was on the point of no return looking down at what now was a very loud, fast moving river, as that fricking inner voice piped up 'you are gonna look a right plum when you have to explain why you fell in the river in your shiney shoes'

back off inner voice, i've got this.

i swung back over toward the summit side of the fence, whilst contemplating how aged 53 i get myself into such predicaments, and shouldn't i really start behaving like an adult.

steady as she goes, i breathed in, dismounted, raised my arms skyward and looked up to see 10's from every judge, the crowd roared!!

i checked google, 150m, yeah baby, i smiled, happy that disaster had been averted.

as i continued around the curved building i couldn't believe my eyes.

more gates.

though this time there was no simple river crossing to help, these puppies were not offering me any easy route in.

i did a mental risk assessment, i could go back, which would be worse, or i could go for the summit via the tough route.

now you all of you know which route i chose before i type it, but what i have omitted thus far to add into the mix, was that on the other side of the second fence was a bar.

a bar that people drink in, that since the much needed, and successful internal smoking ban has had it's stalwart smokers and vapers congregate outside for their fix, right in the sightlines of my brave attempt to scale this metal meshwork with footwear designed for dancing not climbing.

as i mounted my cobalt foe i could hear that i had been spotted by what for me represented the german guards in my attempt to enter some war time stalag.

'there's ******* james bond' came the first cry, better than bullets i thought, but just as scathing.

laughter rang out, come on james!!

i just got over to the top, which was good, but i was now faced with a jump of about 8ft, whilst again trying not to rip anything or break my neck in front of an iphone armed panel of judges, and i envisaged wales online having a vote for it's top video of the year being muppet chops splattering on the ground in shiney shoes.

'where's 'is box of milk tray?' i heard as i jumped, praying for the greek god of embarrassment to give me a break.

as i landed my hips, although both false, sent signals to my brain with a red light flashing alongside the message 'do not, repeat do not do that again' and i tried to gain some sort of composure, as i tried not to limp in front of my smokey audience.

as they clapped and used up all of their james bond cliches, i walked off thinking how much worse this could have ended, and again questioning how i get into these sort of situations.

i had nearly circumnavigated the stadium, and decided to press the buzzer on the underground stadium car park to ask the security guys where i should go, to which the security guard sounding chap directed me to the first set of gates i had gone to some thirty minutes earlier.

as i got back to where i had first tried, the waiting security guard smiled as he welcomed me in, explaining that they locked the gates an hour after the gig starts as no-one is ever that late, i smiled.

as i entered the awards room, i did my best to look cool and calm, but my fevered brow gave it away a little, i apologised to my hosts, and sat to eat my now warm smoked salmon starter.

and as they announced the name of the winner of the second category we were entered for, i reminded myself that it's all about the journey, not the destination, as i bent to give my shoes a quick polish, catching my reflection mouthing 'what a perfect moment' well i think that's what i said.

i am still sitting in my towel, so will end briskly today, by very quickly saying thanks to the crafty devil brewery guys who allowed me to brew my everest at 53 beer, and it is now well on its way to being available, cheers to kev and chris from global drone media for filming it, and thanks to huel fuel, who it look like are going to be sponsoring me for everest, happy days.

ooooo, nearly forgot, a massive thanks to everyone who has got involved in our running for emily campaign to run the cardiff half marathon this weekend, and to all the runners good luck, and anyone in the 'diff this weekend come down and cheer us on, and if you wanna say hello, we will be in 29 park place before and after the race, and i will write more about it next week.

have a great week, and try to make a perfect moment if you can,

blue skies,

jeff

 

 

  

 

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